It’s odd to me sometimes just how unobtrusive a powerful beginning can be. This Eating Adverbs book project for instance, started with a simple ten-minute Zoom call with the publisher. There was nothing planned, nothing formed, no clear idea if I even had the capacity to write a book. We just chatted about my fascination with solo activities.
But that short call was like opening a doorway – very quietly and slowly. Once opened, it didn’t close and continues to propel me forward.
This week, I’m thinking about five adverbs that feel like doorways. Each one carries a rhythm, a reminder, and a way to begin again: Today, Completely, Effortlessly, Abroad, and Once.
TIME
“Today” feels like the kind of word that should come with a bell chime or maybe the smell of rain on pavement (which, incidentally, is exactly what I’m smelling as I write this.)
There’s something about this moment that feels both ordinary and monumental. I’ve spent years circling the ideas that eventually became Eating Adverbs, but not in a straight line. Nothing in life seems to run in straight lines. Last year, in springtime (the time of beginnings) things started to coalesce. Slowly – with writing, rewriting, doubting, deleting, and returning. But the truth is, this book has been forming for decades – percolating in the back of my mind and waiting for the right time to begin.
And now, here I am. Sitting at my desk, the same place where I’ve cried, laughed, and stared blankly at the ceiling trying to find the right words.
“Today” is always a beginning – not a finish line. It doesn’t have to be dramatic and, in fact, most of the time it is quiet and deliberate.
There is a kind of grace in choosing to do something “Today,” not because everything is ready, but because something inside says, “It’s time.”
What’s one thing you’ve been saving for “someday” that might be ready for “today”?
DEGREE
I have written with my whole being. With my fingers bruised from gripping a pen too tightly and my desk cluttered with post-it notes and with drafts I couldn’t bear to delete. Yes – I am ‘old school’ and tend to write all of my notes longhand before sitting down to type. The amount of paper I have used would probably alarm the conservationists out there.
Eating Adverbs is the most emotionally intense creative thing I’ve ever done. Some days I feel proud. Some days I feel like I’m shouting into a void.
But I keep going. Because I believe in what the book can do. I truly believe it is more than words on paper.
Where in your life are you showing up completely, even if it’s messy?
MANNER
I know this Eating Adverbs process might look effortless: the curated posts, the well-produced video. Even that smiling photo from 1989 (which you’ll see a bit further down in this newsletter).
But behind the scenes, it’s messy. My desk is a collage of sticky notes, some with ideas I love and some with ideas I’ve already outgrown. I’ve cried into my coffee more than once.
I’ve cried into my wine a whole lot more.
There are days when I feel like I’m building something beautiful, and days when I feel like I’m unraveling in slow motion.
Eating Adverbs is a book about solo joy, but writing it has been anything but solo. It’s taken a village of encouragement: friends who text me reminders to breathe, readers who send quiet affirmations, and a few people who’ve said, “This matters. Keep going.”
I’m still learning how to ask for help, still learning that grace doesn’t mean ease and most importantly – still learning that what looks effortless often takes everything you have.
What’s something you’ve made look effortless that actually took everything you had?
PLACE
In 1989, I packed a backpack and flew to Europe. When I got on the plane in September 1989, I didn’t know what I was looking for. I just knew I needed to go. Here is a photo of my on that trip, sometime in early November 1989 overlooking Neuschwanstein Castle in Bavaria. I miss that trenchcoat and, boy, what tales it could tell.That trip, three months of solo wandering, planted the seed for Eating Adverbs. The gestation period was long – very long – but it has finally blossomed after 36 years.
I often think about concepts like “abroad” and feel like they are far more than an external concept. There is a faraway place – abroad – within our minds that also needs exploration and often excavation. Eating Adverbs is not about travel or dining – it’s about transformation. Sometimes the catalyst comes from the outside (like that backpacking trip) and sometimes from the inside.
That trip and all the things that have come since leading to this book have taught me that solitude isn’t something to fear. It’s something to savor.
Where have you gone, physically or emotionally, that changed the way you see yourself?
FREQUENCY
This week, I have focused on things that evoke memory.
- Song on Repeat – One of my favorite Stephen Sondheim musicals is Merrily We Roll Along. The song that I have had on repeat this week is “Not a Day Goes By.” In the show, there are two versions of the song – one sung by a younger Mary who is heartbroken about losing the man she loves (Frank) to another women (Beth). The other iteration is Beth singing about breaking up with Frank because he cheated on her with another woman (Gussie).
It’s astonishing to me how the same song, with very minor changes of lyrics, can completely shift from sad/melancholy to sad/bitter/angry.
Sometimes, it only takes “once” for something to happen and your whole life changes. - Book I Keep Returning To – Not a book this week, but a playscript. One of my favorite theatrical experiences early in my career was stage managing a production of On The Verge . . . or the Geography of Yearning by Eric Overmyer.
The play follows three Victorian women explorers as they journey through a mysterious, uncharted landscape they call Terra Incognita. As they travel, they begin to absorb fragments of the future: slang, pop culture, inventions, even feelings they don’t yet have names for. It’s strange and funny and deeply moving. The play becomes a meditation on curiosity, transformation, and the ache of wanting something just beyond reach.
I reference it often in Eating Adverbs because it mirrors so much of what I believe: that language can shape our emotional geography, and that yearning isn’t something to be solved . . . it’s something to be honored. - Ritual – Sometimes rituals are built without conscious intention. They grow from repetition and then suddenly you stop and think, “Hey! I do this every day!”
I recently had one of those “a ha” moments.
When I arrive at my office in the morning, I have discovered I follow a clear pattern. I open the door and then proceed in a clockwise pattern around the room.
I turn on a lamp by the door, then move to a standing lamp that has shelves beneath. I turn that one on, then ring a Tibetan singing bowl on the top shelf three times. I then move around my desk, turning on the third lamp proceeding to another corner of the room where I turn on the fourth lamp and deposit any coats or bags that I have in a chair. Finally, I return to the table with the first lamp and prepare a small pot of coffee from the supplies I keep in that cabinet.
Only then do I go to my desk and turn on the computer.
Something about this simple ritual seems to ground me every morning.
This week, I spent time with one of my bookshelves, not to alphabetize or decorate, but to listen. Some books felt like companions. Others felt like obligations. A few whispered, “You’ve already lived what I came to teach.”
The photo here shows the backroom of my house, transformed into a DIY production set. There’s a green screen, tripods with ring lights, a stool, and then… the camera rig.